20 Comebacks for Gossipers

It is a biological fact that the mouth is meant for talking. But some people abuse this function by going the dreaded extra mile of constituting nuisance with the proceeds from their mouths.

These people are what we know as gossipers. They are versed in the business of trading stories, both true and false ones.

This marketplace of stories of people and their lives keeps on growing and would seemingly stay undetected by you until your story enters the market.

They bend the truth to suit the purpose of their insensitive trade of stories. If you notice your life is heading towards ruin or falsely propagated by someone, some comebacks will help bring back sanity to the gossiper.

I’ll be discussing a couple of comebacks for gossipers. Keep reading on!

Best 20 Comebacks for Gossipers

Gossipers have this insatiable desire of making stories fly, even without having any sort of verification done.

In worse scenarios, they help in propagating these stories thereby adding false info and details in the process. Below is my best pick of comebacks which you can make readily available for gossipers.

    1. I know your mouth is big, don’t make other’s problems bigger with it
    2. You don’t have to spread the news for us, the media is their dummy
    3. It is sad how no one pays you for being insensitive
    4. I didn’t know I had fans until you came along
    5. I love how you always say amazing things about me first before ugly ones
    6. I heard your gossip, you need to do better with the story plot next time because it looks amateur
    7. If you think what you tell others bothers me then calling you dumb would be an insult to stupid people
    8. The day you show me your paycheck from gossiping, I’ll take you serious
    9. I’d love to appreciate you for handling my fans club so well
    10. I love the exposure you’re giving me, but I’d pay a bot to do the work than you
    11. While you’re busy stabbing my back, don’t forget to lick my butt
    12. I bet the crap you say about me is as fake as you are
    13. Only insecure people talk behind others
    14. Your niceness doesn’t multiply from demeaning another person
    15. You better not homeschool your kid, I bet you wouldn’t want to birth someone like you
    16. I understand you criticize me behind my back to get attention, but I’m surprised you’re getting none of that
    17. You have something in common with your rumors; y’all are FAKE
    18. I hope the rumors you spread about me are better than those I heard about you
    19. It doesn’t hurt to be silent, since you have nothing nice to say


  1. Don’t stop the gossip, I’m preparing another episode soon

Let’s get to the details of each of the aforementioned comebacks. Find out more as you continue reading.

I Know You Mouth Is Big, Don’t Make Others’ Problems Bigger with It

Gossipers are bad-mouthed and also have big mouths. Their big mouth status is not literal but figuratively, hence it shows that they talk a lot and it is mostly about other people’s business.

This comeback recognizes this flaw in them and goes ahead to institute a sort of admonishment to the person who gossips.

With this type of comeback, you’ll be able to take charge of the conversation and also instruct the gossiper on what and what not to do.

You Don’t Have To Spread News for Us, the Media Is There Dummy

Without a doubt, you can easily assume that the media are licensed, gossipers. They are the right people to spread news, rumors, and real stories alike.

Therefore, it’ll be insensitive for someone to take up the career of poking their nose into other people’s affairs and end up spreading them.

This comeback aims to tell the gossiper how unruly it is for them to partake in the spread of news since we can rely on the media to get such info.

This only makes it clear that gossips are uncalled for which makes anyone spreading them jobless.

It Is Sad How No One Pays You for Being Insensitive

There’s no sense in trying to propagate a false story or even spread the news about a person when you are not part of the plot. It is more like talking about something you barely have tangible information for.

It gets worse when you realize that the person is not even getting paid for acting insensitively. At least, there should be some kind of compensation for spreading the news but in the case that there’s nothing like a fee it only shows how numb the person who is spreading the news is.

I Didn’t Know I Had Fans Until You Came Along

No one feels good about having their life stories spread across folks behind their back. But on the bright side, you can view it as a form of publicity for you from whoever it is that is spreading the news. In other words, you are garnering fans without even doing anything yourself.

Hence, if you happen to cross paths with the person who has been propagating these stories and creating publicity for you, you can use this comeback to tell of their unconscious contribution to making you famous.

I’m sure the person will have a rethink about saying further things about you next time because it is now clear you don’t care about it.

I Love How You Always Say Amazing Things about Me First before Ugly Ones

A person who gossips about you probably thinks you’ll get upset when you hear all the trash they say about you. How about you disappoint them with this comeback and commend them rather than confront them?

The person’s reaction will be something like, “is he serious right now?” or “I never knew she cared less”.

This type of reaction shows that they do not expect you to be that cool with hearing rumors about you. After all, the plan is to make sure no one knows your next move.

I Heard Your Gossip, You Need To Do Better With the Story Plot Next Time Because It Looks, Amateur

This would go down memory lane as one of the hardest comebacks for gossipers because it is a pure roaster on a hot barbecue stand.

The comeback starts with you knowing about the gossip told by the person, followed by your remark about the story plot as told by the person.

The whole point of this comeback is to ridicule and intellectual capacity of the person who gossips about you. And you do this neatly by telling the person that their gossiping skill is still amateur.

If I were in the person’s shoes, I might break down in shame and disgust, and that’s the reaction you should expect if you out this comeback.

Comebacks for Gossipers

If You Think What You Tell Others Bothers Me Then Calling You Dumb Would Be an Insult to Stupid People

Are you looking for a better way to show that you don’t care about what people say behind you? If yes is the answer, you might want to consider this line of a comeback.

It indicates that you don’t give a hoot about what the person might be projecting to people behind your back.

The highlight of the comeback is not that you don’t care, rather it is the foolishness of the person who gossips with your life to think that their projections bother you.

The Day You Show Me Your Paycheck from Gossiping, I’ll take you, Serious

Nobody pays anybody to gossip. Gossiping is not like whistle-blowing whereby you’re tipped off for sharing information about something that could help solve a problem. Rather gossipers just project stories for their selfish purpose of gaining recognition and attention, probably for having the latest gist in town.

To demean the actions of a gossiper, you can use this line of a comeback to call them out for taking the wrong route of social affluence even when they’re not paid for it.

I’d Love to Appreciate You for Handling My Fans Club So Well

Everything about this line of comeback speaks about sarcasm. First, it is funny to appreciate someone for gossiping about your name and it is even more hilarious to consider the person as your fan.

Not only that, placing him or her on the rank of a manager defeat the person’s spirit of ever talking ill about you again.

You might want to add a little spice of facial expression to boost the effectiveness of this line of a comeback.

I Love the Exposure you’re giving me, but I’d pay a Bot to Do the Work than You

Just like the previous response, this line also ridicules the person who gossips with your name. The comeback asserts that you’d prefer paying an electronic bot to do the work than paying the gossiper.

This indicates that you don’t rely on the person to deliver a good job, as they may be spreading other people’s stories while doing yours.

While you’re Busy Stabbing My Back, Don’t Forget To Lick My Butt

Rumors and crap stories told behind your back are knives being stabbed behind you. Their main projection is to tarnish your image without you knowing.

But before that happens, you can use this line to remind the gossiper of what is left to do after they spread their gossip.

I Bet the Crap You Say About Me Is as Fake as You Are

There’s nothing real about a gossiper. They’ll say one thing and do the other, which is why they are not reliable.

This in turn means that you’ll be heading to doomsday if you listen to them.

However, this line compares the fakeness of most of the stories propagated by a gossiper and that of the person’s character.

Only Insecure People Talk Behind Others

You might ask how true this is. Well, let me tell you that it is true. If you take a close look at most people who talk behind others, you’ll sense insecurity. They’re probably not doing something right and the person they’re talking to behind him or she does things better.

This insecurity breeds jealousy and unwarranted spite. With this line, you’ll be able to put it to the face of the gossiper that they’re insecure.

Your Niceness Doesn’t Multiply From Demeaning another Person

You shouldn’t hold back from telling this to anyone who needs to hear it, especially the gossipers. This is because there’s no reward for tarnishing the images of people behind their backs.

You Better Not Homeschool Your Kid, I Bet You Wouldn’t Want to Birth Someone Like You

It will be a total disaster if a gossiper trains a child. The outcome will not be awesome as the child is at risk of taking after such a bad attitude. You can use this line on the gossiper t show the extent of the damage which they can cause with their flaw.

I Understand You Criticize Me behind My Back to Get Attention, but I’m surprised you’re getting none of that

You should employ this line if you notice the gossiper who’s probably doing it for the attention of people is not getting any of those from them. It is more of a futile effort from them if after all the projections they end up not having the recognition they long for.

You Have Something in Common With Your Rumors; Y’all Are Fake

Do you even need a note on this? Well, the premium take is that a gossiper is fake and so is also whatever comes out of their mouth.

They may be saying the truth but their record of propagating rumors discredits them in all ramifications.

I Hope the Rumors You Spread About Me Are Better Than Those I Heard About You

Just about the time, you point a finger at someone, you also have the remaining fingers pointing toward you.

This illustration depicts the essence of this comeback. It explains that he who gossips about others also has people gossiping about them.

You can use this line to present reality to the person who gossips about you because the rumors about them are likely worse than whatever it is they say about you.

I Doesn’t Hurt To Be Silent, Since You Have Nothing Nice To Say

Comebacks for Gossipers

Aside from being a savage respondent, you can choose to answer amicably and with a piece of soothing advice like this line of a comeback.

It projects that since the gossiper has nothing nice to say about you except rumors, he or she had better be silent. One doesn’t get hurt if they are silent in this respect making it a good alternative to talking trash about others.

Don’t Stop the Gossip, I’m Preparing Another Episode Soon

This is easily one of my best sarcastic replies on this list. It is a cozy reminder to the gossiper that they shouldn’t stop their hustle, since you’ll be dropping another episode of your life soon which means more stories for them to gossip about.

Seriously, I’ve not heard of any better way to mock a gossiper.


Gossip and bad rumors told behind your back only get to you if you keep quiet and let them engulf you. But to stay sane and afloat, you’ll need some kind of defense mechanism or tactics.

That’s where comebacks come into the picture. If you want to stand your ground and shove the gossiper down, you’ll need a couple of savage replies to get started.

I’ve done my bidding by giving you a list of my 20 best picks of comebacks for gossipers. Feel free to employ any of them, hopefully, you’ll get your desired reaction or result.

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