Has someone ever called you slow and you were not able to think of a good comeback? And even when you did, it was days later?
Well, there is nothing worse than that, especially when it happens more than once. For this reason, I developed this article to share with you the best comebacks in the form of phrases and sentences that you can quickly remember and give to someone who went overboard to call you slow.
The best comebacks to this kind of insult are ones that are either snarky, witty, downright savage, or simply funny enough to turn the table around within the twinkle of an eye.
Aside from shaming matters for the person who deserved it, most of these clever responses are effective enough to rewire the person’s mindset and make the person see why you are doing things in a particular kind of way.
Without further ado, let’s dive into some of the best responses and hilariously good roasts, and don’t forget to indicate your favorite in the comment section after reading.
31 Best Responses When Someone Calls You Slow
1. If I ran like your mouth ran I would be fast
When someone calls you slow, one of the best ways to turn the situation around is to leverage the insult and make them feel how they initially want you to feel by calling you slow. This kind of response will effectively and quickly shut them up.
2. Cause your mom likes it nice and slow
If it is among your peers, and it is a hostile and inhumane verbal assault, then launch a deserving nuke at the person or group of persons by dragging their mom into the situation. Most people get swelled up with insults that drag their mom into it.
3. And yet I run laps over your IQ. Then again it’s not very big
The person is trying to prove that you are too slow to do things as quickly as they should be done. Even if otherwise, whatever the case is, you don’t want to look like the person on the defeated side.
So, send the analogy that, even at the slowness, you are still faster than is thinking capacity.
4. Will throwing a stick make you leave?
This is another popular insult you can give as a comeback to virtually all insults that there are. The reason why it serves this kind of insult is that it sends the impression, even accurately, that you don’t want the person around you.
And it could be that you are indirectly calling the person a bitch.
5. Got a problem with me? Put it in writing, fold the paper, and shove it up your a*s!
This is another snappy comeback that anyone who calls you slow cannot handle. It shows you are sharp-mouthed and you are putting it to good use.
Imagine this sequential directive chain of insults. The person has a problem with you which is being slow, but you don’t give a shit.
6. The only work-life balance I want is being away from you.
You can cleverly send the impression that the person’s presence at that particular time is what is making things move slowly.
So, you are using their medicine against them. When you use this response, it means the person is toxic and poses as clogged in the wheel to fast progress.
7. This is stagnant being jealous of the progress
You may be slow, but imagine calling the person slower, or even worse, stagnant. It means you are even making progress and hope to get faster and better.
But the person, on the other hand, is stagnant but concerned with other people’s pace. Even if it is not true, it makes the person feel bad and defeated.
8. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker
This response is another popular comeback for a range of insults out there. But it applies effectively as a comeback for when someone calls you slow because it sits well with the possible context that may surround the situation.
Something that came out of a slow cooker, you know how it looks. Now imagine it is a resemblance of the person. Clever insulting smile!
9. You should come with a warning label
When something has a warning label, it means it is an object that people should avoid or disassociate with.
So, giving the response that the person should come with a warning label after he or she must have called you slow sends the impression that the person is bad energy and should be avoided
10. Faster than the turtle’s speed
It is even okay to be slow. As a defense against the insult, you can help the person put your ‘slow; into perspective by saying that, though you are slow, you are faster than the turtle’s speed.
11. I’m slow and steady, you’re fast and inconsistent
Another way you can give a good comeback to being called slow is to reflect on the benefit of being slow in getting things done.
It is better to be slow and steady than to be fast and inconsistent. Leverage this as an insult.
12. The child at the mother’s back doesn’t know how far the journey is
Who says proverbs can not serve as brilliant comebacks? Giving this response is a witty way of saying that it is very convenient for the person to call you slow after all he is not the one doing the task and as such does not know the density of the task at hand.
13. You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
One of the ways to shut someone out during an argument is to make them leave, or you leave. If you want to make them leave, first realize that they may be the reason why things aren’t moving quickly and it would be better if they had left. You don’t have to be nice when saying this.
14. Back-seat drivers would never get into an accident because they never get to drive
Backseat drivers are synonymous with people who judge how things are being done but can do nothing to help the situation.
By giving this response, you are rubbing it on the person’s face that there is a reason why you are the one doing the task and he’s the one judging. You are capable, the person isn’t.
15. I have two speeds, slow and stop
One of the many contexts that this response will suit is when you are doing a favor or you volunteer to do something and you are being judged for being slow.
You can let them know that dropping off everything is another option that you can consider…and you can consider anything soon.
16. At least, I’m faster than those on the couch
It is better that you are making progress, even though not speedingly compared to others who would rather not even attempt at all.
By giving this comeback, you are not only validating your efforts, but you are also building confidence and making the person realize it.
17. you are too if you’re just now realizing this
If being slow was intentional, and even otherwise, let the person know that no one is perfect. He may be in the position to say you are slow, but that doesn’t mean you can tell them so too.
They were so slow that they did not realize you were slow enough early enough.
18. The speed limit sign is blurry
Speed and slowness are associated with driving on the highway. You can use this context to formulate a brilliant comeback.
Even though the context at the time has no business with driving, it is an analogical and witty expression to deduce that there was no deadline attached to the task.
Or the time sensitivity of the task was not communicated to you properly. Hence, you were perceived as slow.
19. I prefer the term ‘sensual’
Alternatively, you can give a comeback by playing the correction game. Some people feel irritated when they are corrected, especially in areas of grammar like correct spelling, pronunciation, the right choice of words, and others. Use this as a great advantage for a super comeback.
20. Isn’t this a battle of wits? You appear to be unarmed
If you sense that the person had called you slow because they wanted to ridicule you, then you can take the game a little further by defining it clearly.
It shows the person is trying to humiliate you, but even with the remark, and other remarks they will probably give, it is not enough to contend with you.
21. Count one to hundred for me, would you?
The jobless person probably was quick enough to complete a task before you did. That must have given him or her a reason to call you slow. Give them a job of counting while you take your time to complete your task at your pace.
22. Pray that karma gets to your face before my fists do
Show the person that you are in a position to physically treat them right if they make further attempts to call you slow.
23. If slow means better, then I don’t care what you think
There is an advantage to being insulted. As far as a comeback is concerned, it is an opportunity to help the person put the remark into perspective, own it, and use it to intimidate them.
24. I’m slow, you’re a sluggard
Whenever you are called slow or any other thing that makes you feel annoyed, look for a worst-case scenario of that thing and call the person that thing.
25. Am I slow? Or are you impatient?
By giving this response, you are attempting to shift the person’s perception of your pace to a positive light.
26. And you do things so fast that you get no result
If you are slow, look at the downside of being fast (which the person indirectly claims to be) and rub it on your face.
27. Excuse me, you’re mistaking me for someone who gives a shit.
Show them that whether they think you are slow or not does not move you and you don’t care.
28. If I wasn’t also slow to react, you’d be on the flow right now
They are lucky you are slow because there is a good side to everything. For them, the good side of you being slow is that you can delay your punch on their face.
29. There are other ways to make me pace up.
If the person is your boss or superior, let them know that there are other sensible ways to get people to do things quickly than to tell them that they are slow.
30. Just keep rolling your eyes; maybe it will find you a brain somewhere
When people call you slow, chances are they do this while rolling their eyes in disappointment. Study their facial expressions. If you see that they roll their eyes, you can use that as leverage and insult them.
31. If your speed was attached to the sun, we may never see the sunrise.
The mistake they made was to just call you slow without making it specific on how slow you are. Now, you are going to use that against them. Let them know they can be slow too, and it is disastrous!
It is normal to be found doing things for the first time, and it is expected that in such situations we are slow. You can expect people to call you a noob because you have not learned the ropes enough to do things quicker.
But that should not subject you to shame and less self-confidence. The next time someone complains that you are slow completing a task, especially in a derogatory manner, it is the best time to remember any of the above-discussed clever comebacks to not only shut them up but also gain poise and confidence in your pace.
It is promising that with time, you will become excellent in that thing as you do them continuously.
The best comebacks for insults like these sure taste as sweet as revenge. This you will only get to experience when you use them appropriately.
It is hard to come up with witty comebacks on the spot, but if you are ever in such a position again these points in the above article are sure to come to the rescue.
Which among these was your favorite? Feel free to share in the comments.