There is this feel of victory when you give a good comeback to an insult. Useless is a very harsh word to call anybody, and you shouldn’t just allow people walk over you like that all the time.
Especially if this is not the first time and it is becoming an habit of him/her to insult you. Get the victory laugh with these nice comebacks when someone calls you useless.
If someone calls you useless, with a serious and straight face, just say “spell it” or “spell useless” this is a good reply as you’re implying that the person is so dumb that he can’t even spell the word useless. Or you can be more direct and say “can you even spell useless” then give a sarcastic laugh and say, “you can’t”
“I’ve Been Called Worse By Better”
Another good response when someone calls you useless is to say, “I’ve been called worse by better” this literally means that the person himself is not in a position to insult you, its like demeaning the person, that even if someone should insult him, he’s in such a low position that he shouldn’t be the one. You’re indirectly insulting the person by saying he’s even worse than useless.
“Someone Who Doesn’t Have An Idea How To Use Anything”
When someone calls you useless, you can say “yeah, I’ll definitely be useless to someone that doesn’t know how to use anything” this is a very good comeback as it first cancels out the person insult of calling you useless, because the problem isn’t about use, but rather that he doesn’t know how to use anything.
“I Know My Worth”
If someone calls you Useless, you can say, “I Know My worth, and if you know yours you won’t be saying that” or you can say “I know my worth, and its definitely worth more than yours” this means that you know you’re not useless, and the person referring to you as useless is even worth less and less useful than you.
You can also say, “I know my worth, and since its worth more than garbage, its worth more than yours” this means that the person who insulted you is worth same as garbage.
“It’s Hard To Make Me Feel Useless”
If someone calks you useless, you can reply with, “you know, its hard to make someone who knows he’s worth feel useless” or you can say “its difficult for someone who knows he’s not useless to feel useless” this is a good comeback, as it means that you know you’re not useless, and the person is only trying to make you feel useless, and he’s unsuccessful at that.
Another good reply to being called useless, is by saying “Throwing empty insults at me won’t make you more useful” or you can also say “Throwing empty insults at me will not give your life more meaning or use you know” this is a good comeback as, him giving empty insults nullifies his insult of being called useless.
“More Useful Than you”
When someone call you useless, quickly reply by saying “I’m useless, yet I’m more useful than you are” or “if I’m useless, it shouldn’t be coming from you, considering the fact that I’m more useful than you are” or “I might be useless, but I’m ten times more useful than you are” these are very good responses, as being more useful than him, implies that you’re not useless.
“Cut From The Same Coat”
Another very good response is to say, “then I guess we’re both cut from the same coat” that means the person is just as useless as he claims you are.
If you don’t like this one, then you can say “you think we’re cut from the same coat, well the fact is, I’m cut from a different coat” or ” you think we’re cut from the same caot, well we’re not” this means the person think you’re just as useless as he is, but you’re not.
“I Don’t Think I Should Care”
You can also reply with, “coming from a man with no purpose in life, I don’t think its beneficial for me to care what you say” what this means is that, considering how he’s life is going, it will be better for you not to care if he thinks you’re useless or not.
Here is one common and good comeback when someone calls you useless, “its better for you to keep shut and make people think you’re wise than open your mouth and clear all doubts” or “its would have been better if you had kept quiet and let people keep assuming you’re senseless, than open your mouth and clear all doubts”
“When Did I Asked For Your Opinion”
A good comeback is to say, “I can’t remember when I asked for your opinion, do you?” If you say this, the person that insults you would look dumb and speechless. While saying it, be serious and look as if you’re actually trying to remember something.
“Are You An Einstein?”
You can also reply with, “An what have you achieved in your whole lifetime that makes you an Einstein” or you can say “if I’m useless, then you must be an Einstein” these are derogatory and good remarks. It means that, since he definitely isn’t an Einstein, then you aren’t useless.
It is also a way of hyping yourself as it means that, before you can be called useless, then the person insulting you must be so highly intelligent or useful that he must be like Einstein.
“Were You Talking To Me?”
If someone calls you useless, you can squit your eyes and be like, “were you talking to me” then before the person reply, then say “definitely not” this means that, the person can’t be calling you useless, since you’re not. Also its a demeaning remark to the person and it definitely gives that victory feel.
“I Know Life Sucks For You…”
A good comeback is to say, “I know life sucks for you, but, if you’re looking for someone to blame, then take look at the mirror” this is a very good comeback, as it means that he’s just pouring out frustrations on how bad his life has become and its also insulting him because it means he’s at fault for whatever mess the person us going through.
“Thank God You Know Who You Are”
Another good way to reply to being called useless, is to say ” Thank God you know you are ” you’re turning around his statement to mean he was referring to himself when he called you stupid. You can even proceed and say, “its good you know you are, that’s the first step to finding a solution to that”
“Stop Talk About Yourself”
A very good comeback when someone calls you useless is to reply by saying, “stop talking about yourself so much, we’ll do that for you when you leave” or you can say “Don’t you feel awkward when you’re talking about yourself like that”.
Or,”why are you talking to yourself” any of these modifications are very good, they’re turning his words around to mean that when he called you useless, he was actually talking about him/herself, therefore they’re the one that is actually useless.
“I Can’t Agree”
When someone calls you useless, you can hotly reply by saying, “I can’t agree with you, because then, we’ll both be wrong” or “I would have love to agree with you, but then we’ll both be wrong” both tells of the fact that, they’re wrong by calling you useless, its just a better way of saying, “I’m not useless”.
“You Have Hope”
Here’s a good response when someone calls you useless, ” you know, the fact that jellyfish survived for six hundred and fifty million years without brains, shows that there’s hope for people like you” this is a way of coming back by insulting him to be stupid or senseless.
“Stop Showcasing Your Stupidity”
If someone calls you stupid, you can reply by saying, “stop showcasing just how ignorant you are” or you can say “the only reason you’ll be saying that is if you’re ignorant and an illitrate.” Or you can say “the fact that you’re saying that means that you’re ignorant, illiterate and senseless.”
This means that the only reason the person would call you useless, is that he probably doesn’t know the meaning of the word and thinks it’s another good word, you’re basically just insulting him while rendering his insult of no value.
“Useless Or Useful?”
A good way to reply being called useless, is to pretend as if the person is so stupid that he doesn’t even even know the difference between Useful and Useless by saying, “you mean Useful right” or “there’s a difference between Useless and Useful, stupid” or “Useful is not the same thing as useful, stupid”
“Trying To See From Your Point Of View”
A good way to reply to being called stupid is to say, “I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I just can’t get my head that far down my ass”
You can also reply, by saying, “I was about to give you a nasty look for saying that, but I realized you already have one” this is a very good comeback that can leave the person speechless, as it first takes the for us away from the insult he gave you, to yours. It will definitely give you that victory feel.
“You’re The Problem Of Your Family”
When someone calks you useless, you can shake you head, like you just made a new discovery and say “Now I know where the problem in your family is coming from, You” or you can say “if you think I am useless, then you’re the problem if your family”
“Takes One To Know One”
A good response when some calls you useless is to say, “Takes one to know one” this means you also have to be useless to be able to recognize me as useless, you’re just saying that he’s also useless.
Or you can just say, “there’s no way you can be sure of that except you’re also one” or “How do you know? That means you’re also useless! Because, it takes one to know one”
“Why Are You Talking About Yourself Again?”
Another good comeback if someone says you’re useless is to say, “why are you talking about yourself again” you’re turning around his insult to him by saying that, because , it means when he calls you useless, he was talking about himself, not you. You can likewise say something like, “when will you ever stop talking about yourself” any option is good enough.
“Don’t Disrespect Me!”
If a stranger, or probably your boss or someone higher than you (your superior) calls you useless, you can take it lightly and reply with “I have never disrespected you, and would like it if you show me the same respect” or “I would never disrespect you, and expect same of you sir/ma”
“You’re Definitely Not Talking To Me”
Another good response is to say, “I’m going to ignore that, cause I know you couldn’t have been referring to me” or you can look around as I’d he was talking to someone else and say, “were you talking to me?”
“What Do You Have?”
You can also reply by saying, “I have a degree and an intelligent brain, what do you have except too much time and a leaking mouth” you can add any accolade or achievement or asset or degree you have that you’re sure the person doesn’t have, in fact you can add any good feature about yourself.
“Stop Thinking Everybody Is Like You.”
Another good response is to say, “stop thinking everybody us like you”
“I Don’t Give A Damn About What You Say”
When someone calks you useless, you can also reply by saying, “I don’t give a damn about what you say or think”
It can be rather painful something when one of you superior insult you, but the fact that they’re above you doesn’t give them the right to insult you, also you can’t just use any of this comebacks at them, cause fit would be unprofessional and could escalate creating more problem for you.
Instead, you can say any of these firmly with all seriousness, then storm out. After saying it, turn your back and leave, even if the person calls you back, don’t pay attention, just leave.