Funny Ways to Respond to “How Much Do I Owe You?”

Ever heard the question, “How much do I owe you”?

Most of us have asked that question to others and have also been asked at different times in our lives.

It would be very easy to respond with, “You owe me this” or “You owe me that” but that would be such a boring reply.

It is also quite satisfying when after rendering a service or selling a product to someone, the client asks you, “How much do I owe you?”

You’ll be excited because your services are about to be rewarded.

20 funny responses to “How much do I owe you?”

The answer to this question varies based on the circumstance at hand.

While many have been able to answer this question well enough, some have probably given wrong responses at certain times.

Remember, if it is a commercial transaction and you expect to be paid, discuss it before starting the work. Whatever the situation is, your tone of voice, your attitude, and your action will communicate a lot to the person you’re speaking to.

It is always better if your answers are light, witty, and funny.

If you have ever been in a situation where you did not know how to respond or you are fed up with not-so-witty replies, then this is for you.

20 perfect but funny responses to, “How much do I owe you?” at any time.

“Pay it forward”

When you do a good deed, it is not unusual for someone to want to show their sincerest appreciation. However, when you reply with, “pay it forward” you’re simply telling such a person to extend the goodness to someone else.

“You should do well to return this good deed I’ve done for you to someone else.”

While this sounds emotional, it tends to lighten up the atmosphere and make everyone happy.

“Whatever you think is fair”

Funny Ways to Respond to "How Much Do I Owe You?"

This statement is mostly used when you probably offered help outside your skill set or professional qualification and you still wish to be paid but do not want to appear demanding.

Saying, “Hey, whatever you think is fair, let me have it” with a smile is another funny way to respond to this question (How much do I owe you?)

“Don’t worry about it”

This can totally put a smile on a stranger’s face. Most people don’t receive enough kindness in a day.

Some have had to work so hard to pay for everything they have.

You could go with, ‘Unless you intend to get me a jet, then do not worry about it‘. This will elicit a smile from them. You have just managed to use this funny response to make their day.

“Whatever you think my time is worth”

Time is money. So, here’s an open cheque to show me how much my time means to you.

With a smirk and a sarcastic tone, you can let the person know in a not-so-serious way that you’ll take in cash or kind whatever they want to give you.

You could say, ‘Well if my time is worth a jar of peanut butter to you then let me have it’ or ‘I hear that a carpenter’s time is worth a good home-cooked meal. So how about that?’

The quality of their payment determines if they know how much your time is worth or shows the level of their value for you.

“How much would you like to owe me?”

Ha! Now that will give one a good laugh. Imagine having a painter paint your whole house and when you ask for the bill, he responds “How much would you like to owe me?”

We all know that’s a joke. So if the client responds with, ‘Oh really, how about a dollar then?’, we’d all laugh about it.

But what a funny way to respond, pheww!

“It’s no big deal”

What may not be a big deal to you, may mean the world to someone else. If such a person was in a dilemma or an urgent situation and then you come along and help as much as you can; saying, “no biggie” when asked, “How much do I owe you?” will definitely make the person smile.

“I do not know”

A shrug of a shoulder and an indifferent attitude can either mean I don’t know what to charge or I didn’t know I was supposed to charge you.

Or maybe you could pretend like you didn’t know what to ask for, then ask for the most impossible.

So you could go, ‘I don’t know, if I ask for your Bedford would you hand it over?’ or ‘Well I wouldn’t know, would your favorite Nike boots do the trick?’

“I take food stamps as well”

Funny Ways to Respond to "How Much Do I Owe You?"

Oh, they would not expect this. Of course, they would be expecting you to name your price instead, you would shock them with, “Oh I do take food stamps as well”.

Or maybe after you are done telling them how much your fee is, you could still add this response, ‘I take food stamps as well’.

They would have a good laugh. And who knows, give you a dozen food stamps as well cause people do appreciate someone who’s bold enough to ask for what they want.

“Whatever you have”

Instead of calling a particular amount, you could say, ‘Well whatever you have. If you have a nicely done cheesecake, I’d take it’ or ‘Oh my, I’d give anything for a deep tissue massage but whatever you have is okay.’

It’s a laughable and unexpected response but could do the trick.

“How about a dollar?”

This is the understatement of the year. Of course, you may be asked how certain you are or how serious you really are.

They’d assume that perhaps they didn’t hear you clearly because who asks for a dollar after doing a job. A dollar?! Ha.

Such an amazing way of replying to someone who asks, “how much do I owe you?”

If your clients don’t bawl out in laughter, it will definitely put a smile on their faces.

“Oh well – a million dollars would do”

Funny Ways to Respond to "How Much Do I Owe You?"

While asking for a dollar is an understatement, this is definitely an exaggeration and sarcasm at its best.

Saying it with a straight face will get your clients shocked at first. Then a good deal of laughter will follow. I mean who asks for a million dollars for a job of probably a hundred dollars? It’s bizarre!

“Is that a trick question?”

Imagine running an errand for your mum and she asks you, “How much do I owe you?”

You’d pause to check if it is a joke. Mothers never ask to pay for errands their children run for them rather they demand it. Imagine a mum asking her daughter in middle school such a question after asking her for a glass of water.

So, next time she asks, you’ll know what to say. You need to ensure that it’s not a trick question before raising your hopes high.

Another good scenario is if a pregnant wife asks her husband to get her a particular dish that she’s craving. We all know that pregnant women are demanding and cranky when their demands are not met.

So, when she asks you, ‘How much do I owe you?’, she may mean it (which is rare) or not. Thus, you could wave it or take the risk of asking, ‘Is that a trick question?’

“Now that sounds suspicious”

This response better suits a situation that involves someone you are very informal with. Maybe you have never expected payment or repayment of any kind from such a person. An example is when a husband asks his wife that question.

He does not expect it thus he will be suspicious of it. If you’re a husband reading this, this is a great response to make your wife crack up.

You could reply with, ‘Really? Now that sounds suspicious. Are you dying? Am I dying? Is the world ending’

This dramatic and funny response will definitely make her laugh. 

“What’s it worth to you?”

“What’s it worth to you” is another fun way of answering that question. You’re actually replying to a question with another question.

Remember your attitude and tone will make all the difference and determine what’s funny and what’s not.

“If you were in my shoes, “How much would you like to be owed?”

Would you really like to respond with, “How much would you like to be paid if you were in my shoes? A penny?”

I must warn you, most people will be mischievous enough to say, “Nope, a quarter of a penny!”

Anyways, after having a good laugh, make sure you state your original price.

“How about a drink?”

Asking for a drink is one of the commonest but funny responses to ‘How much do I owe you?’. That means that you are asking for payment in kind. It also means you want to hang out with the person more which is a great way to build a friendship.

So next time, you might want to ask for a drink. You never can tell where that playful relationship may lead.

“I wouldn’t overthink that if I were you”

When you refuse to be paid, some people may insist that you want to pay. A bright smile with the response, “I wouldn’t overthink that if I were you” will do a great deal to put their minds at ease.

“I know you would help me if I needed it”

If it is someone who has always shown up for you and supported you, this will be the perfect time to let them know that you remember all their kind gestures of love, and instead of demanding a paid service, you’d want to return all their support with an act of love.

So the next time someone you admire asks you, “How much do I owe you?” tell the person these lines above.

“I’m happy to be of service”

Funny Ways to Respond to "How Much Do I Owe You?"

In case you were coincidentally at a place where your help was needed, maybe it was unplanned and you wouldn’t like to ask for a payment, you could say, “I’m happy to be of service.”

A plot twist to this is where everyone knows you are able to help but they expect you not to demand payment. So when next you’re asked that question, you should know that the person does not mean it. It’s just for the asking.

Therefore, you just sarcastically respond, “I’m happy to help” or “I’m happy to be of service” cause we all know that you’re not getting a dime. LoL.

“I’m just glad everything worked out”

This is also a great response to How much do I owe you?

When you are just glad that everything worked out even when you guys thought it wouldn’t, you are more interested in being grateful that everything worked out than in what you are getting paid.

You are more relieved than conscious and you’re openly showing your relief. Both you and your friend or clients should just take a deep breath of relief and be happy that everything worked out! This will foster a better working exploit in the future with that same client.


It is understandable that when you ask someone, “How much do I owe you?”, especially in a commercial transaction, it is not always the most exciting moment as it simply translates to giving out a portion of your hard-earned money to another person.

A child may never relate to this as everything is provided for them. But this is one of the few situations where that phrase is used.

However, if you are on the receiving end of that question, it makes the day suddenly better and changes your attitude. This is because there is a promise of money entering such a person’s pocket. This alone is promising and you’re sure to be hopeful the whole night even if you’ve not received it yet.

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