Mistakes are made, errors are omitted and even people err. But who takes the blame? Who will stand up to take the responsibilities, attached to taking care of the supposed mistake?
These questions and more have been raised by people and equally, those who have fallen victim to the various forms of taking or assuming blame, which they in the real sense did not ask for.
But the question oftentimes borders on why people blame others, and the reason they do not want to take the blame themselves.
It also addresses the terms, used to refer to those who perpetrate this ill act of pushing the blame on others.
The terminologies are many, and the reasons also vary but the core subject revolves around blame.
Some have opined that this has a medical connotation; others think that it’s just a socially ill act, which has no medical backing.
Terms like blamer, blame-shifter, irresponsible, narcissistic, and a host of others, have been used to identify anyone who portrays this act.
Those who do this have their reasons and there are ways to tackle them too.
This article features how to deal with a person who blames others and also ways to stop the act of blaming people.
5 Ways To Deal With A Person Who Blames Others
- Maintain Calmness
- Avoid arguments
- Pay keen attention and evaluate
- Go for solution
- Build up walls
You wouldn’t want to escalate the problem at hand by defending yourself immediately, so putting up a calm and serene outlook is certainly the first thing to do.
You’ll need a lot of self-control to execute this, as it is going to be a very difficult thing to do.
This act of calmness plays a psychological role; it puts the blamer in control for a short while, thereby affording you more time to think through the issue.
To do this; do not make any attempt to alter their speech and remain mute if possible. Understanding your role in this situation helps limit the attacks and accusations.
This is one of the steps to take in ensuring you put a blamer on a check.
This entails the simple act of not being overly defensive or trying to prove a point. What this does is that it tries to calm the situation and bring sanity, where possible.
Questions like, Why blame me? Am I the only person? Or something like, Who are you to blame me? Can abruptly fuel an argument, which might in turn lead to an uprising.
The person might even do something like, spill milk in the course of the argument and still blame you, leading to a long list of blames for you to carry.
On that note, avoiding or steering clear from a possible argument that might lead to more blames, can help checkmate blames from a person.
Pay Keen Attention
Next on the list of what you will need to do, to make sure a blamer is dealt with is paying maximum attention to details.
Oftentimes, when blames are being shoved at a person, it comes from a place of unusual reasons and motives.
If keen attention and focus are paid to the details or rather the supposed motive of the blame, then there is a possibility of drawing up a solution to the problem.
Therefore, giving a thorough thought to the details can give you an insight, /into what the problem might be and how to solve it.
Don’t forget to also note your faults or shortcomings, if the blamer points to them as a motive then seek ways to correct them.
That way, you would have solved that part of the blame that he or she regularly puts on you.
Go For Solution
Finding a solution on how to deal with a person who blames people, has no particular handbook. It also leads you to try to put an end to their negative presentation of you.
Some might punch them or kick them, but it will lead to a fight. So you might want to consider any of these approaches:
- Make sure you do not get in their ways.
- Try to perfect your skill, if the blames is coming from a boss at work or a colleague.
- Talking things over with them.
- And finally, maintaining a good relationship with them; since a bond can act as a tranquilizer.
- Report to a higher authority, in the case of the workplace.
These approaches differ from person to person and as such can be chosen based on the scenario and personality.
But in all, try to make sure that the strain of blames and blame-shifting, does not linger on.
Build Up Walls
The last of the ways to deal with a blamer on this list is, building up walls. These can be walls of defense, protection, or even caution.
When all the initially suggested methods fail to checkmate the person, then you should practically build up a defense mechanism, in the form of walls.
The purpose of these walls is to repel and correct the person, from continuing his or her act of blame-shifting.
You can do this by shunning the person from even starting the regular blame session or by doing it the not-so-easy way; neglecting them.
At least, you will have your mental health secured and will not have to prove any point to them.
You can also extend the walls by, exempting yourself from any gathering that will sprout the blames or put you in the position to be blamed.
That way the person blaming you will have a hard time finding how and why to pin you to a particular mistake or fault.
But in the case of a workplace or family, absent-mindedness and doing things that put you in a good state of mind is going to help you get your mind off the situation.
Activities like listening to a soft track or an inspiring podcast can help out; others include playing games and reading books.
8 Ways To Stop Blaming Others and Take Responsibility
- Proper understanding
- Redefining Value
- Limiting your expectations
- Setting personal goals
- Being accountable
- Accepting Corrections
Evaluating yourself is easily the first step to take, for someone who has decided to change. In self-evaluation, you check and consider the rigger of your previous actions, and what might have compelled you to act the way you did.
You can also draft these triggers and place them accordingly, this will help you to easily identify them and also avoid falling for them again.
The evaluation also extends to understanding yourself more, pointing out your strengths and weakness, and channeling your focus to correcting any mistakes or flaws dictated.
With this in place, you are now ready to take on the path of stopping the ill act of blame-shifting.
Humans are not perfect beings, we’re bound to make mistakes and omit errors. But this is a fact that those who blame others forget to acknowledge, hence their act of blame-shifting.
For you to stop blaming others, you should know and understand that no human is perfect. People will continue to make mistakes and blaming them won’t change anything.
You have to embrace the imperfection of each person and work towards correcting them, rather than making them feel less important or inferior with your blame game.
To make this clear, try to understand the reason or position of the person who has made a mistake, and try to address them with respect.
One of the perceived reasons why people lay blames others is because they lack value for that person.
Therefore, placing adequate value on somebody or just people, in general, can help you stop complaining and blaming them.
Let’s say, you are an area boss and you own a law firm and have workers. If you have less value for them and doubt their competence, there is every tendency you blame them for minimal offenses or acts.
But on the contrary, you will not put up blames on them but will endeavor to correct them, by so doing you preserve and maintain your value and trust in them.
This will go a long way in reducing blames to the barest minimum.
Limiting Your Expectations
Being much expectant of a person can result in disappointment, which can eventually cause blame-shifting.
In a bid to correct the act of blaming others, you should endeavor to cut down on your expectation of people.
Let’s imagine a scenario where you expect a friend to get you all the costumes for a drama show and he does not get all of them and will leave you off the show.
The act which follows next becomes blaming him or her, for not getting you what you requested.
To avoid such happenings, follow this simple axiom; expect less, get less disappointment and stop blaming others.
Setting Personal Goals
If you want to achieve any task, you must make them personal and take them to heart.
Set a goal to change your social defense mechanism of blaming others and work towards it. Make a list of why you blame people and work towards avoiding them daily.
You can also inculcate the act of seeing things from a positive lens and point of view.
The previous happenings which led to blaming people in the past can now become an opportunity for you to learn new things too.
Through this channel, you start to unlearn blame-shifting and eventually drop the habit.
This is the part where you take full responsibility for any mistake you make. It is usually not easy to admit to doing a bad deed or being wrong, but for the sole sake of change, you have to admit to your ills.
Being accountable goes beyond taking the blame, it also means you have decided to seek redress personally, without having to blame anybody or pin it on others.
Knowing when to pull down the statue of ego is also a way of putting an end to blaming others for your mistakes or wrongdoings.
Tendering apologies is the way to do this, with a concise and elaborate statement void of blame or gaslighting.
This puts you in a better position of not being the blamer, but someone sorry for doing wrong.
It also translates to mean that you own up to your mistakes and is seeking forgiveness of any sort.
Apologizing for your mistakes places you on a pedestal of responsibility and accountability. It shows your level of maturity and gives you a charisma of a knowledgeable person.
So, giving apologies is also a way to put an end to blaming others and facing the outcome of the mistake made.
The last way to stop blaming others and take responsibility is to accept corrections. Most people who blame others have this ill habit of not taking corrections or accepting redress.
They parade themselves as all-knowing and as such end up blaming anybody who does not conform to their standard.
Therefore, if you have made up your mind to disband from this set of toxic people, accepting corrections whenever you are wrong is just another way to avoid blaming others.
This is not any form of punishment, rather it’s another way of saying “I forgot to ask other people for the costume, please remind me next time”.
Taking corrections does not only give you a chance to learn more, it also proves that you admit to the mistake and are taking up responsibility for it.
With this in mind, blaming others becomes a difficult thing to do, since you will be standing up to whatever comes with it and making corrections at the same time.
Identifying the reason why people blame others, how to deal with those who blame others, and then how to stop blaming others; are all featured in this article.
The end product of all these is to produce more tolerant individuals and sustain sanity both in our immediate environment and the larger breed of society.