Someone who hides their pain inside is called an eccedentesiast.
An eccedentesiast is a person who tries to hide his or her pain with a fake smile, or who portrays happiness to hide their pain so that people that ask them why are sad.
Unlike the other words I found, that they are not trying to manipulate you or be indifferent, they just don’t want to share their problems or their reasons for sadness and pain with other people.
What does it mean to hide your pain inside?
If I am reading your mind correctly you want to know why an eccedentesiast hides their pain with the opposite of what they feel. I am getting to that.
Understanding what it means to hide your pain inside is the next thing.
Hiding your pain inside is to not express your feelings of sadness. It is an attempt to bury whatever feelings of sadness you have over something.
For example, if I lose my pet, I can hide my pain inside by pretending it is still alive, talking to people about my pet, and not taking time to process what happened.
Not expressing your feelings or the pain over something is hiding it inside of you.
Someone who has his or her pain inside of them, or rather an eccedentesiast will not talk about it to anyone, will write about it, will avoid thinking of it, will avoid things relating to it, and even try to fill up that void and sadness with something else.
The problem with that is that it will start to affect them slowly. Have you ever heard the saying, you feel emotional pain the same way as physical pain?
It will affect their mind and with time, their health. It can lead to some serious mental issues, trauma, depression, and the likes.
Those who are at it long enough will eventually hit rock bottom so hard, that they would just want to stop living.
Why do people hide their pain inside?
There are many simple answers, and most of them will shock you. They are:
They don’t trust people
The first is trust. Eccedentesiasts don’t trust people. They believe that whoever they tell will spread it to the whole world.
Now, this is common for introverts who as a rule, like to keep their business to themselves.
Sometimes, they don’t find anyone worthy of their trust and so they keep quiet about it. No use making ask if you are not going to tell, right?
They feel people won’t understand
Another reason is they feel you won’t understand. They believe that no matter how well they explain it, no one will understand.
They don’t know how to say that the job they list was more than just the fat paycheck they received.
They don’t think you will understand that one single piece of paper held more significance to them than volumes of books.
They would rather keep quiet and let you believe that fake smile than have you confused and wondering if they are right in the head.
This everyone can relate to because at some point we have felt that what we were going through could not be completely understood by other people.
Many people are bad listeners
Very similar to that is that they believe people will not listen. How is listening similar to understanding?
If you know anything about therapy, you will know it is all about listening and that when you listen, you understand.
People are too ready to respond, to reply, to react to what is being said that they miss the whole point of the story.
Some people pick what they want to hear, and focus on it. I have experienced that firsthand and I went away more confused than when I first asked for help.
When you don’t listen completely with the whole of yourself (or simply without distraction), you don’t understand enough to even help.
You will only want to narrate your own similar or even worse experience, give them the self-opinionated advice that won’t help, and make them feel worse for even trusting you in the first place.
They don’t want to be made fun of
And the last reason is they don’t want to be mocked.
I have a friend who opened up to me about her fears and how she used other sand they laughed it off and then made her go through her fear.
It was very traumatic for her and it has made her develop trust issues towards everyone.
No one likes being mocked or laughed at. When someone sees that they are being made fun of regardless of how silly what they are saying is, they will shut up again.
To an eccedentesiast, it is better to deceive people than to trust them.
How do you know if someone hides his pain inside?
Avoiding the things they once loved
It is a very common way to know. The chances are that what they love is related to whatever pain they are feeling.
Hence they will avoid being around it, looking at it, or using it if it is an object. If it is something you used to do.
For example, singing, they would stop singing, stop listening to songs, and do other things they used to love.
The love for what they do or what was related to it just dies and they ignore it.
The reason for this is, that the pain they feel overwhelms their love for whatever it is they loved or used to do.
Pouring all of their energy into one place
Since they are not saying what they feel they are pushing the actions somewhere else.
For example, they can decide that since what they loved failed them, they would focus on work.
Then you see them working late hours, overtime, early hours, and everything just to run away from the reality of what has happened.
Others will still focus on that source of pain. If it is a dying or toxic relationship, you will find them clinging to their partners trying to fix things even when it is too late, and risking everything about them to make something futile blossom again.
Either way, you will notice that just one area of their lives is taking up all of their attention in a negative way.
They ignore every form of self-care
They don’t want to look pretty anymore. They don’t want to cut or make their hair, they don’t want to shower or change clothes, and they don’t want to eat like they used to.
They just lose interest in outer appearance. They focus only on how they feel inside and not on the outside because the pain is something they feel inside of them.
While some people might actually pay attention to their appearance, it will still be half-hearted. You will notice a change in their style.
It may be the type of clothes they wear or shoes or they have accessories on anymore. Also, look out for the excuses they will give concerning that, they are vague and empty.
For someone who is hiding everything inside, the outside is the way you can see into them.
Change in personality
Note that while they put up the charade of happiness and joy, they are trying to appear indifferent in front of others concerning whatever it is they are battling with and are truly sad deep down.
So, they will wear a smile but if you look beyond the pretense, you will notice they have changed too.
It may not be glaringly obvious but the way they do things will change. A friend of mine would take down any photo he has on social media.
Another one becomes quieter and calmer. It is easy to think that they are either taking a break from social media or finally being responsible when the truth is they are filled with pain on the inside.
What do you say to someone who hides their feelings?
Nothing. That’s right, nothing. When trying to talk to someone, be alone. If he or she will open up to you, he or she doesn’t want it to be in public with everyone watching and listening.
Starting with firm but gentle words
It will cajole words out of them and that is when you say nothing.
You listen because they need to be listened to and listening means you are understanding.
Don’t rush to judge
Don’t even think if the best way to reply is just to listen. Most of them may end up crying, others will have a long list of regrets.
In all this remain silent and later on try to find a solution that will be in their best interest. If you can not help, encourage them and then follow them.
Don’t go about announcing to everyone or acting like you are their lord and savior. These simple steps will make a huge difference.
What is the opposite of Eccedentesiast?
Unlike, in the beginning, I don’t have a definite word for the opposite of someone who hides pain with a smile.
But then in defining that word (if we had one) it will be someone who doesn’t hide the pain with a smile.
That person probably doesn’t hide pain at all. I would say honest, open, and ready to deal with emotions.
Well, that’s a wrap. We learnt about eccedentesiasts, why they hide pain, how you know someone is hiding pain and what you should say to them.