Being insulted can make you feel so demeaning, but you don’t have to stare and feel bad about what anybody says.
You’ll agree with me that some remarks need instant retort. Make it tooth for tooth and eye for eye with these readily hot replies;
Comebacks When Someone Calls You Trash
“You Are Simply Ignorant”
Someone could say, “you’re speaking trash” you could give a quick reply of “you only think what I’m saying is trash because you’re simply ignorant”. You just made the person look really stupid by this comeback.
“So Are Your Parents”
If someone calls you trash, you could say “so are your parents” (beware, this retort could lead to a fight) most people don’t joke with their parents.
This reply is a sure way of getting back at him, not on an equal ground, but on a higher ground, because you didn’t just insult him back, you also insulted his parents.
You could also say “so is your grandpa” or “so is your grandma” or “so is your mum” in essence, you can replace ‘parent’ with any other of his relatives.
“Wow! Two Hundred Pounds Of Cow’s Dung”
A good comeback for a demeaning insult could be “wow! Two hundred pounds of cow’s dung, piled into a hundred pound bag, made to look like a human being! And semi-intelligent too!”
(Note: this retort could get you beaten up)
You could add some facial expressions and gesticulations to make it more dramatic and painful.
He calls you trash, then he’s also a pile of cow’s dung!
“Did You Hear Something?”
If someone insults you or calls you trash, you could say this while speaking to one of your friends or you could just say it to the air “I thought I heard something” looking behind corners or under benches. Then bounce away with a bemused smile on your face.
“I’m Stupid For Wasting My Time Talking To You”
Another tactic is to agree with them, and say something like “I sure am stupid to be standing here listening to you rant all night.
I’m stupid to think that you have an ounce of intelligence in you to understand me, I’m really stupid for talking to you now, it’s a waste.
But, I’m not going to continue being stupid by staying here with you”. Then you can walk out.
“I Take It You’re Talking From Experience”
Someone calls you trash, you could also say “I take it you’re talking from experience!” This is a subtle but stinging reply, the indirected insult makes it subtly painful.
Or something like “takes one to know one” both have the same indirect meaning.
“And This Trash Has More Sense Than You”
Also say, “this trash has more sense than you”. You can also add more pepper to the injury, by adding something like “and this trash gets taken out more than you” or “yet this trash was picked and not you”.
“I’m Worth More”
When someone insults you by calling you ugly, stupid or so you could retort by saying “yes I may be stupid/ugly, but I’m worth more to myself than all the glowing stars in the sky, and with a mouth like yours, you’re probably worth less than a pile of dung, believe that”!
“You Are The Perfect Definition Of The Word ‘Lousy'”
You could say, “wow! You’re the perfect definition for the word “lousy“, if your mama knew you’ll turn out like this, she probably would have opted for prevention/abortion.
Or “you’re the perfect definition of scummy/dirty/pitiable ” or any other synonym to lousy.
You’re Not The Dumbest Person On Earth…”
Another cheesy reply is “you’re not the dumbest person on earth, but you sure hope he doesn’t die”.
What you’re trying to insinuate here is that he’s the second dumbest person on earth, so if the dumbest person on earth dies, he’ll be the new dumbest person. A very good reply when someone tries to bring you down with his words.
“Can I Borrow Yours Then?”
If someone says something like “you don’t have sense” or ” you’re senseless” which is a common but painful insult, especially in America. Or any other insult in a like manner, you could say “can I borrow yours then? Since you’re not using it”.
“Keep All Those Titles To Yourself”
The person might have called you trash or stupid or whatever insult he threw at you, you could just say that “you know that title looks better on you” or “that title suits you better”. It’s a very good comeback for those who love throwing insultive words at you.
“I See No Reason Why I Should Care About Your Opinion”.
Another good comeback for an insultive statement is “I see no reason why I should care about your opinion, especially since you’re so dumb/stupid.” You could leave out the last part, if you don’t want to give a direct insult.
This is an insult that puts one in his/her place, no matter the names he calls you, this comeback still perfectly fits.
You Give Everybody So Much Joy When You Leave The Room”
Another interestingly good comeback, for someone who is really a pain in your ass, is “you give everybody so much joy when you leave the room”. You might have been keeping up with somebody spewing all sorts of retorts and insults, say this and take the last laugh.
“It’s Hilarious Watching You Try To Fit…”
After someone finishes pouring a rain of abuses on you, you can give a hearty laugh and say “it’s hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence”. This has canceled out whatever hurtful words he might have said.
“You’re Full Of Shit To The Point That The Toilet Is Jealous”
Here’s one I know you’re really going to love “you’re full of shit to the point that the toilet is jealous“. Did the person just call you trash or stupid or foolish, whatever it is? It’s a good comeback. You can also modify it to something like “you’re so full if trash the garbage can us so jealous”
“You’re Like The End Piece Of A Loaf Of Bread”
Another lovely comeback is “you’re like the end piece of a loaf of bread, everybody touches you, but nobody wants you” you know that end piece of the loaf of bread, that mostly gets thrown away, because nobody wants it, that’s what we’re talking about.
Some funny comeback, that could make you laugh while still giving that victorious feel is:
“You Just Have Bad Luck When Thinking”
A funny com back could go like “you’re not stupid/dumb, you just have really bad luck when thinking” this is a funny yet deserving remark.
If some other friends were there listening to you, it might make the whole group laugh, which could make the insult more injurious to whoever it was directed to.
“Everyone Is Allowed To Be Stupid Once In Awhile”
Another funny comeback is “everyone is allowed to be stupid once in a while, but you really abusing the privileged” or “everyone is permitted to act stupid once in a while, but you’re taking yours too far, or you’re over using this opportunity/privilege”.
“You Need To Go And Say Sorry To That Tree”
One other funny comeback is “there’s a tree somewhere out there, working really hard to produce oxygen so you don’t die off and I think you need to go and apologize to that tree” while being funny, it is also insultive which makes it a good comeback.
The advantage with funny comebacks is that it’s less likely to lead to a fight, as everyone would be laughing, the person to whom the insult was directed might also be laughing. Although it being funny doesn’t remove the sting the person feels.
Some really great comebacks you’ll most definitely love are;
” I Got A Call From The Zoo, They Were Wondering How You Got Out Of The Cage”
Yeah, you just called him an animal. Or you can modify it to something like, “your village people called, they want their idiot back” or something like “your parents called, they want their fool back” just use anyone that seems most suitable for the occasion.
“Please See A Therapist”
If someone calls you trash or garbage or any other insultive words, you can also retort by saying ” I once read from a reliable source that people who say hurtful things have mental issues, please see a therapist to evaluate your brian before it gets worse and become out of hands.”
You’re actually trying to insinuate that the person has mental issues and it might be getting worse.
They Say Opposite Attracts”
Here’s a very good comeback to whatever demeaning remark someone throws at you, “they say opposites attract, I hope you meet someone handsome, intelligent and cultured”.
Or you can say “they say opposites attracts, that explains how I got to meet someone as stupid/dumb/foolish as you” this is also a good comeback during a breakup
I Can’t Really Get My Head That Far Up…”
If someone insults you in an argument about a topic or your perspective about an issue, you can say; “I’ve been trying my best possible to see things in your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my backside”
“Are You Talking? Cause I Can’t See Your Lips Moving”
Another good reply is “are you talking, cause I can see your lips moving, but all I can hear is blaaa blaaa blaaa” this goes for whatever insult was passed to you.
Although, this is going to be a very annoying reply to whoever the statement is passed across to, but that’s the goal, isn’t it? It gives you the victorious feeling.
“Those Who Tolerate You Are The Real Heroes”
You could also say “the people who tolerate you everyday are the real heroes, myself for example” when insulted, then you can proceed and add “I think I deserve a gold medal for this” (that’s for tolerating you). It’s quite a cheesy but good response
“The Thought Of You Reminded Me To Take Out The Garbage”
A very good and insultive comeback especially if what the person said hurt you a lot is “I thought of you today, it reminded me to take out the garbage, now that I’m seeing you, I’m kinda reminded to take out the compost too“. OK, this is quite insulting, use it with care.
“I’ve Got Five Fingers, I’ll Give You The Middle One”
Another sweet comeback for those insultive jerks is “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers, the middle one is for you” (hope you know what the middle finger signifies the f-word), usually used to insult someone.
You can even raise the middle finger while saying it. It has become a common way of insulting people, even without saying anything, just raising the middle finger only, is saying the f-word, which is very abusive.
“You Deserve A Break, You Know”
Here’s one nice comeback, “you have your entire life to be an idiot/fool/stupid why not take today off”.
You can also say it like, “you deserve a break you know, then take a short pause, from being such a fool/ an idiot” or “you should take a break once in a while, from being such an idiot” whichever you prefer.
“Hope You’re Ready To Get In That Garbage Can”
You can say “hope you’re ready to get in that can when the trash gets picked up?” Yeah, you just called him/her trash. Or if you’re called trash you can be like “that makes two of us” or “of course, how else can you understand me?”
You know one subtle response could be silence. You don’t really have to say anything to give a comeback you know. And keeping quiet and calm, Like he didn’t say anything, makes you a better person.
Besides, not all insults have to be returned, some are just negative criticism that you could use to make yourself better. Sometimes, you just have to be a more mature person and keep quiet.
Do you know that even that could annoy the person insulting you? Because when he’s not getting the expected response, or any response at all, it would look like you’re saying “when you’re tired, you’ll get out” or snubbing him in a rude way.
Remember “silence is the best answer for a fool”. Replying sometimes only makes both of you grouped as fools. Be the better person and keep quiet, that’s another comeback.